Are Krispy Kreme running a scam?

Whatever you do, don't google it.

In supermarkets, shops, and service stations across the country, you’ve probably seen these enchanting displays.

They house the world’s only snack that is guaranteed to make you:

• murder-suicide your entire family

• or have a sugar crash, then do it

Despite their tasting notes of sprinkles and kamikaze, I’m intrigued not by their ingredients, but by their bold claim…

‘Made fresh daily’

How the fucking hell is that possible?!

Every, single, day?

By who?
Where?
How?!

‘Donutgate’

(apparently people are calling it that?)

There are three possible explanations:

1. They’re made in-store
Sure, supermarkets have ovens for croissants and baguettes but Krispy Kreme stands are everywhere - from WHSmith to service stations. Are we really to believe Fleet Services in Newport Pagnell has a Breaking Bad-style donut lab?

2. It’s a scam
If they’re lying, not only does that shake the foundations of society, but I’d face a tough choice: approach BBC’s Panorama, Dispatches, or Stacey Dooley (we know the answer).

3. They’re made off-site
This is the most likely. But if so, how the hell are they distributing thousands of donuts every day? That would require a secret network more efficient than Amazon, your gran’s dealer (best believe), or dare I say… even Evri?

That feels strange as (not to brag) I’ve seen my fair share of logistics:

• Lorries of dead animals unloaded at butchers’ markets - nightmare fuel.

• Car transporters that you’re too scared to drive behind in case one rolls loose (just me?).

• Beer barrels lowered into pub cellars with the self-importance of a state funeral. It’s just a barrel of liquid mate, get over yourself.

And yet: in all my years of logistics-spotting, I’ve never seen a Krispy Kreme delivery. Not once.

I’m Stumped

At this point, you might be thinking: “Just google it”.

To which I say, go fuck yourself.

Yes, a quick search could solve this gloriously mundane mystery in three seconds. But for two years, I’ve resisted. Not because I’m stubborn (that’s 70% of it), but because googling is boring.

You think Donutgate is somehow uninteresting?

Nothing tops the soul-sucking dullness when you’re pondering a mystery, of “just google it”.

Here’s what happens:

You google it, silently.
You click the top result, dead-eyed.
You land on the Krispy Kreme’s FAQ, ever-stoic.
You're told they're made by… [redacted]
You close the tab, solemnly satisfied.
Your soul dies.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’d prefer to live with a bit of curiosity in my life.

This investigation remains open - purposefully.

I might not be lying in a meadow, gazing at clouds.
I’m not contemplating the brushstrokes of a Renaissance master.

I’m in Tesco Express, staring at corporate signage.

Now that’s true enchantment.

---

Your Turn

So, what’s your guess?
No googling.

P.S. A Question For You:

Do you have any alternative explanations?
Comment below…