Do supervillains overlook the admin?

and why achieving your dreams is hugely overrated

Mar 28, 2025

Whenever I watch a movie, and there’s a supervillain wanting to “rule the world!” or in more ambitious cases (no shade) - “rule the entire universe!”, I fear they’re grossly underestimating a crucial factor.

Whether they’re a generic Bond villain, Skeletor, Thanos or that absolute rascal Jafar - I’m guessing their quest for power gives them a lot of meaning. It’s one hell of an ambition to wake up for.

But once that’s achieved, I suspect they will feel empty, maybe even lost, retired, and without purpose.

The Underwhelming First Day

The first day after conquering everything, a benevolent dictator is slumped on their throne. Their No. 2 in command, let's call them ‘Shadow Hand’ - weasels in and asks:

“What world shall we triumph over next, sire?!” (Yes, that is weak writing).

But there’s zero triumphing available. Everyone is already under their rule, or very dead.

Worse, global domination means global operations.

Shadow Hand is reclassified as the COO, he announces it on LinkedIn, and the corporatisation of the evil empire ‘kicks off in earnest'.

Phase 1 initiatives include:

A mandatory 3-hour Zoom session with pre-read materials (cameras on)
An 18-month procurement roadmap designed by McKinsey
Monday morning stand-ups with faux-peppiness
Unconscious bias training that’s spectacularly failed by senior staff
A social-media campaign of A/B tested Facebook ads, and influencer collabs
A 12-month hiring initiative of Compliance Officers, Supply Chain Managers and Team Leaders
An enterprise-wide rebrand, pitched by design firms in Patagonia quarter zip jumpers
A WFH policy that people inevitably abuse, resulting in a mandatory 4 days in the office, which destroys morale
A 5-day ‘culture alignment’ offsite at the Ramada Inn

Sure, there’s some fun to be had. Perhaps a few massive statues are built, or they get a table tennis table to fill the void (and foster innovation). But it won’t be long until, even with table tennis, the emperor is stuck reading Yelp reviews about their torture dungeons, nostalgically DMing their old nemesis: ‘u up?’.

A realistic photo in a super-wide shot, captured with a wide-angle lens style. The scene shows the massive, evil, and empty lair of Lord Bonegrim, a skeletal warlock. The lair is ominous, with gothic stone architecture, glowing green torches, eerie statues of ancient beasts, and glowing cracks in the floor that reveal flowing lava. The vast space feels abandoned and silent. In the distant background, Lord Bonegrim, a tall skeletal figure in tattered purple and black robes with a cracked skull mask, stands with his head slumped in defeat next to a table tennis table. He is clearly holding a table tennis paddle in one skeletal hand, the red rubber side visible, adding a touch of irony and emotion to the dark, fearsome setting.

What Now?

Whether you’ve completed your evil intergalactic quest to rule the galaxy, or you’ve retired from your law firm with a generous pension, health benefits and a six-figure consultancy retainer, it can still affect people negatively.

Even a life of pickleball and theatre will feel incredibly mundane compared to the sadistic destruction of your enemies as they beg for mercy (and that’s just the lawyers - woay!).

For the supervillains, they’ll be leaving behind laser fights, beheading rival kings, imploding planets, and in Jafar’s case - hooking up with Jasmine. Though presumably, she’s still there as a trophy wife? And I guess he’ll have the monkey?
(To clarify - Abu is NOT wife material, but after just 3 months, Jafar did check, twice.)

Sailing Dreams — ABU: Name Histories in Aladdin

To All the Supervillains…

Don’t let the exquisite vapourising of your enemies fade into routine. Savour each note of their screaming chorus. Practice gratitude. Be thankful for all the anonymous henchmen who sacrificed themselves. Maybe take the survivors for a lovely meal at Prezzo? Get to know them for once?

This mentality is perfectly illustrated by one of my favourite ever videos. Yes - big statement, especially as I grew up with YouTube as my only sibling. DON’T PITY ME.

It’s 2 minutes of Zen philosophy animated by the South Park team. Enjoy:

P.S.
a question for you:

What suggestions do you have for a universal overlord so they don’t feel empty?