At a restaurant, should you announce you’re going to the toilet?

It depends. So I made a cheat sheet.

I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon.
(And it's not grey hairs in quite devastating places, that’s perfectly NORMAL).

When dining at a restaurant, sat amongst friends…

Some people, who need to use the bathroom… just stand up. And slink off.

Without. Saying. ANYTHING.

It’s so odd!

Almost like they’ve been offended by something said at the table.

Or they’ve become possessed and floated out, horror movie style.

I almost want to call it out and scream, “Oi - where the hell are you going?!”

But is it odd?

Maybe I’m the fool?!
(hard to imagine given output like this and this)

I’ve spent almost 40 years ALWAYS announcing my bathroom visits to the table, like a perverse town crier.

Classic bars I’ve been spittin’ include:

• “Just gonna use the toilet” (on reflection, use is gross)

• “brb” (retro fun)

And for an interactive vibe that the crowd go wild for / kills existing convos…

• “Do you guys know where the toilet is?” (also masks the intention - genius)

Sometimes I’d announce the above in a silly voice, to help with the awkwardness.

Of course, if you’re amongst disgusting pals, you can make an over-the-top ceremony out of it - like a new pope has been appointed.

Which camp is right?

Those who slink off, aka: The Slinkers.

Or those who ensure everyone is aware, aka: The Announcers.

I’ve conducted IN-DEPTH qualitative research (asking some friends) about their preferences.

The answer?
It depends.
It’s a complex minefield.

So, I’ve given back to society and created a decision flowchart.

Feel free to print it off and keep it in your pocket for reference.

I am open to feedback

The flow chat is a beta release.
(Tech companies say that so people can’t complain that what they’ve done is total rubbish).

It means it’s the first iteration, and I am open to feedback.

Let’s develop this together.

Plop your suggestions in the comments…